I find it funny (not like ha-ha funny, well…sometimes it can be) when my thoughts spin back, bite me in the ass, and I notice it. You never know when or where it’s going to happen, but when it does, look out.
I refer to some of these thoughts as my Uppity Pants. You know those uppity, judgy thoughts we have about how someone else should be acting, thinking or handling a situation. Sometimes those pants can feel real tight and restrictive. Not my favorite kind of pants, know what I mean?
When we say things to ourselves, like, “I wish so-and-so would just ___________ “(insert whatever idea or opinion you think is the right answer)
or something like….
“Omergerd, he/she just doesn’t get it, why doesn’t he just ___________?” (insert your groundbreaking, earthshattering idea or opinion in here that will change the world).
That is when we may or may not be sitting in our Uppity Pants.
On this particular day, where I was minding my own business (no I wasn’t, but I initially thought I was) I was in the shower, where I do my best thinking. About everything and everyone. And then it started.
My thoughts were flitting from one thing to the next, when I had gone back to a conversation from the day before where I had made a comment to my husband about an observation that I had made. I had bypassed thinking about the conversation and moved right on to analyzing his response. And my perceptions of his response. And the stories I had created about his response.
Sounds like a good time already, right? Can you see where this is going?
(It is important to note, that at this point I was still not aware that I may or may not have been wearing Uppity Pants in the damn shower…who wears Uppity Pants in the shower? Bad idea)
Now back to the story…
As I was working myself up into a lather (ha, that’s funny) about how he’s being so such and such, he should notice blah, blah and if he could just see…more hair scrubbing…rinsing…. my brain said…
If You Spot it, You Got it
Wait! What?? There I was, all soapy when it occurred to me that if I can see this or that in him, then I know that this and that is in me. As they say, we are all mirrors for each other. So then I asked myself; Could I be acting this way, too? Am I being so such and such? Should I be noticing certain things, but I am distracted too? (pants getting tighter) Mmmhhmmm……
More scrubbing happened, and I think that’s when I may have washed my blinders away because I began to see that I may be thinking and acting the same way, maybe not on that exact issue, but in other key matters. I could then see where I have had some shortcomings, own them and begin thinking of how I can begin to see things and do things differently. When I had initially started thinking about the situation, I was pretty annoyed with him and the situation, but now I could begin to see how I could have some understanding for his position and how I would want to be treated in the same situation.
Perhaps you have found yourself in the same situation, well, maybe not in the shower but, perhaps you can relate. My question for you would be; what is it that you can learn about yourself that you can easily spot in others and what do you choose to do about it? Perhaps in being brave enough to see ourselves in others, we will not only make better choices in our relationships, but also make better choices with and for ourselves.